I wouldn’t say I enjoy shopping but when we lived in Atlanta and we owned our own home, I really loved going to Home Depot or Lowes. Now that we live in a parsonage, I hardly ever go to those stores anymore. So, I guess you can say that there are certain stores that I like to go shopping at. It does not embarrass my male ego to share that with people. However, when I go shopping, I don’t make it hard or complicated. I walk into a store such at the Ralph Lauren Polo Outlet or the Eddie Bauer Outlet and go straight to the “guys” section and find the clothing that I am looking for and I buy it. I am in and out of that store in less than 10 minutes. You see, I am not complicated at all, I like to keep it simple.
Last Thanksgiving, my mother-in-law and my wife dragged me shopping with them one day. I am not going to burden you with the details of why they made me go with them but I will say that no matter how hard a man tries to say no, his mother-in-law will always win the fight.
It was an unbearable day. My wife and my moth-in-law do not shop like me. Noooo sir! These two women shop like they are on a mission from God.
“Yeee-Haw!” screamed my wife as we entered the “Ann Taylor Loft”
The basic difference men and women when it comes to shopping is that women try on everything in the store before they even come close to making a decision about a purchase.
I have bought a house in less time it takes my wife and mother-in-law to buy a pair of shoes. They spent 45 minutes arguing who was going to buy a certain pair of shoes for one of our three children. It was like watching two mules fighting over a turnip. Once they settled the shoe battle, back to their shopping they went.
I would really love to see the inside of a women’s dressing room. It must be bigger than a warehouse. My wife took something from every rack in the place and then disappeared into the back with two sales-persons and the stockboy, each of them had their arms filled with apparel.
She was gone for a whole month and then she reappeared wearing a new outfit.
“How do you like this?” she asked me.
What was I going to say? That outfit makes you look like Marge Simpson?”
No way was I going to say something like that especially with my mother-in-law standing right next to me. I said what every good husband would say, “I love it”.
Then she says to me, “Do you really like it, or are you just saying that so I will finish shopping and we will go home?”
“No”, I said, “I really love it”.
My wife knows me too well, she knew I was lying. She tried on 30 more outfits.
Once my wife finally found an outfit she kind of liked, I thought I was home free and we were going to finally leave the store and then my mother-in-law said….. now you need to find a matching pair of shoes, belt, necklace and earrings. It was like putting together one of those picture puzzles of the Grand Canyon that come in 1000 pieces.
We were there for an eternity before she finally came out and said to her mother “let’s go”.
She said to my wife, “Why aren’t you going to buy anything?” My wife responded back by saying “I didn’t like a single thing”.
I went home and took two Midol. After watching football for a couple of hours, I was fine.
Despite being married to a feisty woman who loves to shop. I thank God everyday for blessing me with Kristie Murphy, she is my best friend and I could not imagine my life without her. It is my prayer that all the guys in Logan County are lucky enough to have a wife like mine in their lives.
God Bless and Go Cats!
Rev. Scott Murphy is the Pastor at the First Christian Church in Russellville.